How many children do you want?

“How can you say there are too many children?  That’s like saying that there are too many flowers” Mother Teresa.

Do you want a Von Trapp brood or a comfortable number that seems easily manageable?

As I’ve mentioned in a previous post I’ve been in the lucky (well I think lucky) position of always knowing how many children I want, and luckily Mr P has agreed with me.  Two children works for us and that belief has never changed.

We have, however, just had my nephew and niece to stay (my brother and his wife were at a wedding for the weekend).  They are 10 and 8 and are just the most lovely children and are a joy to look after.  The amazingness for us was that we have had a very very chilled weekend.  From the moment they walked through the door they played with our children (aged 5 and 3) continually.  Hide and seek, drawing, puzzles, football, lego, mummy and babies – literally every game under the sun they played.  Mr P and I just didn’t know what to do with ourselves.

I ended up finishing 3 craft projects that have been hanging over me for the past few weeks and Mr P got some paperwork done which means he hasn’t had to do it this afternoon after my niece and nephew left.

So… I totally understand that if they were our children full time that they perhaps wouldn’t play so nicely or for that long together however I can see the argument of 4 children.  The first 2 go to school when you have the second 2 and then they can all keep each other entertained when jobs and chores need to be done!!

Is that too simplistic a view? Probably.  A lot of my friends who have gone from 2 to 3 say that it’s because they just didn’t feel their family was complete yet.  No ulterior motive, no babysitters on tap, just because they knew they wanted to be a Mummy of 3.

So what has made you stop or carry on?  Money, number of bedrooms, can’t stand the thought of going through pregnancy or labour again or did you keep going for the other sex even though stats aren’t on your side?

This is a debate where there’s no right or wrong however if you are lucky enough to be able to choose the number, how many children do you want?


11 thoughts on “How many children do you want?

  1. I’ve only got one child and I don’t think I’ll have any more. My husband only wants one…I did want more and it was the cause of many ‘discussions’ but I think we are going to leave it at one. I think there a lot of stereotypes about only children (mainly negative); lonely, selfish, etc. My son seems happy, sociable and well-adjusted. It suits us. As you say, it’s a different thing for all families and not everyone has the choice!

  2. Well, there have been many, many discussions about this over the years. When we first met, he didn’t want any children (he takes a rational view rather than an emotional one..I’m far more emotional!) For me no children was a deal-breaker. He changed his mind over this and we had Fred. I suppose I understand all his reasons and they are good ones. If I really wanted to, I could push the issue but I’m not sure I want to bring another life into the world if I run the risk of there being lots of resentment, etc. I think you’ve both got to be fully onboard with a new baby, not to mention a toddler, child, teenager. They take up a lot of time and energy and obviously need a lot of love and patience from both parents! My husband is a great dad and parenthood is something he’s thought a lot about. Phew getting quite personal here. It’s something I discuss with people in ‘real-life’ though.

    • I’ve read/heard in the past people who have kids to bring them closer whereas I’m a big believer in that you have to be seriously close to cope with childhood as it’s knackering and seriously hard work and will put cracks in relationships so you need to work seriously hard at it.

      Therefore what you say about both being on board is very very true 🙂

  3. We had two lovely children, they were healthy, a boy and girl – what more could you want? But there was a nagging feeling…maybe just one more. So we let nature and red wine takes its course and am I ever glad we did. Our youngest is totally different to the other two, and an absolute delight. Three is a really big jump from two and in many way totally impractical, but so what? We’re only here once…

    This may sound schmaltzy but being a Dad is a huge privilege & it is easily the best thing I’ve done in my life. How many is the right number? Whatever works for you…

    • Love this, and yes you’re totally right, whatever works for each family is what’s right.

      I love that your 3rd is totally different and therefore bring a different dynamic to the family.

      Thanks for replying

  4. Expecting my third in a couple of months, but now slightly panicing about how I’m going to cope! Two might have been more sensible, but I’m sure we’ll manage (somehow!)

  5. I would love a big family. I want a house full of noise and colour and children and I love pregnancy and childbirth so that does not put me off in the slightest. We are currently expecting and the new arrival will be here when D is only 18 months so babysitter he will certainly not be! Hopefully playmate though. The bloke does not want any more so we shall see how this goes but I think there is no right or wrong answer, it just depends on every unique family. x

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